


Memories of India, Or the Dancing Shiva

by gingergallifreyan



Series: The Time Lord and the Goddess of Time [1]
Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Bad Wolf, F/M, Fluff, girl in the fireplace mention, novel inspired fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-08
Updated: 2016-09-08
Packaged: 2018-08-12 22:00:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 11,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7950772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gingergallifreyan/pseuds/gingergallifreyan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After leaving the parallel universe, the Doctor and Rose discover that their relationship isn't as simple as it seems. They think their visit to some of his friends in Calcutta is for a good meal, but they may have bitten off more than they can chew.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See the end of this chapter for the author's notes of the overarching themes of this work. It's a bit long. You came here to read fic, not meta. It isn't necessary, but it will provide some helpful context.
> 
> And here is the tie-in to the novel, Ghosts of India, by Mark Morris. I took the passage, found on pp 18-19, that inspired this monstrosity and made it a Ten introspective.

_Prologue_

1937, the streets of Calcutta. The Doctor speaks to a man who informs him that his friends, Kamalnayan Bajaj, his wife Priya, and his young daughter, Alisha, were no longer at their family-owned restaurant, which was burnt and clearly looted. Dread flooded him.

_They can’t be dead. Please don’t let them be dead._

He was hit by a wave of shock at what that might mean for his past’s future.

_The timeline. Oh, Rassilon, the timeline._

No, the man informed him, they weren’t dead. They had merely fled the city.

_That still—that still doesn’t fix the timeline. Kam and his family need to be here in 1941._

  1. He had been there for Navratri. He brought fireworks.



Donna wondered aloud about Navratri.

A festival for their goddess, Durga. Dancing. _Romancing_ , he added, silently.

Perhaps the timeline was out of sync. Perhaps someone was fooling with time. In that case…

 _Those are_ my _memories. I will_ not _let anyone_ _compromise them._

Deities help the beings that decided to mess with time.

Rose, in her chaniya choli, her laughter more grand than the music in the square, her smile, her sparkling eyes, his arms surrounding her…

Rose was gone, but the memories remained. If the timeline couldn’t be repaired, there’d be a massive paradox to fix.

And he was ready to tear the stars from the sky to do it. Jackie had been right about that.

He asked for the current year, and relief soothed him.

19 _47_ , Donna scoffed _._

He didn’t mind. His memories were protected. All was free to proceed as time would have it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to this labor of love. Pour yourself a nice cuppa.
> 
> I love the Doctor Who novels. Most of them are good, and some of them contain the juiciest anecdotes that are begging to be explored. Hence, this 7-chapter story with a prologue.
> 
> The following is my interpretation. Someone may not agree with what I have to say, and that's fine, but this is my take on things. Please note that the comments section will not be a place to discuss the following episodes. I merely want to provide some meta context so you'll understand where I'm coming from.
> 
> This fic, though not originally intended (it was supposed to be a fluffy ficlet), explores that rocky part of Series 2 that I don't usually care for. The easy solution is for me to ignore that it ever happened and replace that wretched episode with The Stone Rose, but the DVD Box Set for Series 2 won't let me do that. I wanted to challege myself once I started getting into the nitty gritty of this fic.
> 
> I've been wrestling with, "How does Girl in the Fireplace fit into the narrative of Series 2?" ever since I first saw the episode. How can you have a beautiful moment in School Reunion and then the Doctor is distracted in the next episode? What was he really going to do with Rose if Reinette had joined Team TARDIS, even for one adventure? None of it makes any sense to me whatsoever. What's more, why does the next pair of episodes pretend nothing ever happened? Why was the Doctor's out-of-character-ness never addressed? I'm all for angst, but only if it contributes meaningfully to the development of the characters. GiTF adds absolutely to the narrative of the series. You could skip over it entirely and not miss a thing. RTD, I love you, but how could you let this happen on your watch?
> 
> I initially conceived this as a canon supplement set between the Age of Steel and The Idiot's Lantern. Something happens between those two episodes to change the Doctor and Rose's relationship that propels them into more of an overtly romantic relationship. Since I wanted to address that with a fun trip to India, I realized that I needed to address the elephant (pun intended) in the room, if I was going by the canon of the show: School Reunion and Girl in the Fireplace. Challenge accepted.
> 
> Once I started digging into the episodes, specifically, Ten and Rose's conversation outside the chippy in SR, the ending of SR between Sarah Jane and Rose, and the beginning of GitF, I was able to make some sense of it (it's still stupid and never should have happened, but at least I have somewhat of an explanation for it). Hopefully it comes across well in the fic.
> 
> Therefore, this fic gets pretty angsty in the middle as our two favorite idiots in love explore the aftermath of those episodes in a way that wasn't touched in the show, and then the fluffy sunshine comes to dispel the dark angsty clouds.
> 
> I also wanted to touch on the Bad Wolf. At the end of Series 1, Rose remembers being in the TARDIS, and there was light and singing. In Tooth and Claw, the werewolf says to her, "There is something of the wolf about you," and "You burn like the sun," but she had no idea what he was talking about. Of course, it may have been that she was trying to protect herself if she did understand at least part of what happened. At the end of Series 2, however, she remembers that she destroyed the Daleks. And even then, she doesn't remember bringing Jack back to life. She either remembers events, or the Doctor explains it. If the Doctor simply explained it to her, he must not have explained about Jack, for whatever reason. At any rate, somehow, sometime, she had to have learned about the events that transpired on the Game Station such that the symbolism of the name Bad Wolf Bay held significance for her. Maybe her understanding of the Bad Wolf allowed the Doctor and Rose's relationship to shift to a more overtly romantic one after their initial visit to Pete's World.
> 
> And now, without further ado, we go to that fated trip in 1941.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set immediately after the Age of Steel. Don't get too comfy.

Losing her not-father and parting with Mickey in the parallel universe hadn’t been easy for Rose. The feeling of leaving behind anyone you hold dear hurts and leaves you numb at the same time, a feeling with which the Doctor was well-acquainted.

He looked up from the console when she entered and saw her collapse in tears by the door. He sent them to cruise in the Time Vortex and quickly moved to embrace her and let her weep. After a moment, he pulled back to meet her eyes. He gently wiped a trailing tear on her cheek with his thumb. “Are you alright?”

She contemplated for a moment. “Will be.”

“Would you like to visit your mother?”

This surprised Rose, his initiation of an offer to stop at Jackie’s. She hugged him out of gratitude. “Yeah. Do you—do you mind if we stay for longer than tea?”

“How long do you need?”

“Doctor, I know you don’t usually like to stay in one place too long, but do you mind if I stay a few days? You could, I don’t know, make a trip to get spare parts for the TARDIS? I can call you when I’m ready. I just…want to spend some time with Mum.” Even losing parallel Jackie must have hit her hard.

He felt a bit of unease, remembering he had been afraid of Rose choosing to stay in the parallel universe shortly after they arrived there. “Promise you’ll call as soon as you’re ready?”

She gave him a watery smile. “Course I will. Can’t leave you alone for too long. You’re lost without me.”

He warmly smiled in return. “Don’t I know it.” He waved his hands in the air. “Alright, Rose Tyler, off with you. Go pack a bag.”

She paused, and then cupped his neck and placed a lingering kiss on his cheek. She stood up to leave the console room. He heard a sob as she entered the hallway.

He froze. His cheek burned. Such intimate gestures beyond holding hands and hugging were seldom, and every time it happened it left his hearts soaring and a little frightened. Not frightened of Rose, of course. After all, it wasn’t that he didn’t want her affection—no, he _craved_ it—and it wasn’t as if he didn’t want to be affectionate towards her.

Ever since that night outside the chippy, the reality of her mortality screamed at him. He would lose her someday. And it would hurt. What would become of him when that happened? He was born in battle, full of blood and anger and revenge, but he was also born with a love for her that astounded him at times. A love that prompted him, without hesitation, to take her in his arms and kiss her after she returned him to life from being a marble statue. A love that memorized every detail of her, so much so that he could immortalize her in a statue of her own.

It was the blood and anger and revenge part of himself that concerned him. What new destruction would he wreak on the universe then? And deities help the being who tries to hurt her. No power would be able to stop him.

The thought shook him from his thoughts. He then set about inputting the coordinates for the Powell Estate. He put on his specs and started researching the crack in time between the parallel universes.

Rose returned to the console room, sat on the jump seat, and stared at the grating.

The Doctor sensed the TARDIS’ mourning with her. He looked up at the green column and tenderly stroked the side of the console, hearts warming at the empathy the ship shared with Rose. He gently sat on the jump seat next to Rose and watched her. They both sat in silence until the TARDIS gave the landing _thud_.

Rose’s watery gaze finally met his comforting brown eyes.

“Go to your mother, Rose. I’ll bring your bag in a few minutes.”

Rose squeezed his hand and headed for the doors. The dam of emotion broke as she saw her Jackie, and he answered Jackie’s questions as best as he knew how in the moment. He suspected Rose would fill in the details later. She didn’t need to hear them again now.

The Doctor watched them for a moment, and then retrieved Rose’s luggage from the console room. When he returned, Rose hugged him, thanked him, and reassured him that she would call in a few days’ time. “Besides, Doctor, you’re a time traveller. Three or four days’ time for me will be no time for you.”

He smiled. “Quite right, Rose Tyler.”

His gaze followed her as she took her bag to her room. He startled at the pair of Jackie’s arms around him.

“Thank you, Doctor, for bringing her back to me and letting me have her for a few days. I promise I won’t keep her. She won’t stay here longer than a few days anyway. She’s different now because of you.”

“You’re welcome, Jackie,” he wormed his way out of her tight embrace.

She chuckled and wiped tears from her cheeks.

He left her standing outside the door of the TARDIS.

He glanced up at the green column and sighed. The TARDIS sighed in return. He set the TARDIS to random. The destination didn’t really matter when he had no Rose with whom he could share it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jackie. Tyler. That is all.

The TARDIS took him to 1976 in London. She tracked an elemental shade that had escaped from the Howling Halls. Unfortunately, the Doctor was unable to save the victim, the mother of a small boy, before he could defeat the living shadow.

Needing to get away from Earth at that moment, he set a course for Calibris, the famed transportation hub planet. His mate, Dorn, kept a variety of Mark 40 TARDIS parts in stock, and he quite liked the Calibrian Ale found in the seedy tavern of Vagabond’s Reach. After all, he fancied himself quite the space buccaneer and his ego needed the boost.

Growing restless and missing Rose, he traveled back to Earth. But instead of landing in London, he landed in Calcutta in 1934, where one of the neighborhoods was under attack by Jakra Worms. It was then he met Kamalnayan Bajaj and his wife, Priya, after he saved their restaurant from the infestation. Out of their gratitude, Kam offered the Doctor a free meal any time he wanted to visit. He also vowed to name his soon-to-be-born daughter ‘Alisha’, which meant _protected by God._

The Doctor objected, of course, saying that he was no god and would make a very poor one, but Kam marveled at the man who wasn’t bound by time or space and traveled in a tiny box that held another universe inside, not unlike the very deities he worshipped who held universes in their mouths. This mysterious man was touched by stardust and could vanquish his enemies. He was both beautiful and terrifying, a benevolent man and a destroyer. Kam likened him to the god Shiva. The Doctor’s skin was not blue, but his vessel was. Had he been graced by the presence of a god incarnate?

Kam stared in wonder as the TARDIS vanished before his eyes. He hoped this would not be the last time he saw his mysterious visitor.

* * *

The Doctor was about to set the randomizer again, when his mobile buzzed in his jacket pocket. His eyes lit up when he saw Rose’s name on the screen. He pressed the green button and answered with, “Tell me when, Rose Tyler.”

“I’ll go pack my bag. See ya when you get here.”

He set the date on the console and the TARDIS soon landed. Pleased to see the TARDIS found its way back to Rose at the correct time, he opened the door, and Jackie Tyler stood in the same place where he had left her, this time without the tears, and her face was frightening. She backed him into the TARDIS, slammed the door, and locked it from the inside.

She moved her hand and the Doctor closed his eyes and winced out of reflex. He peeked when he felt no sting on his cheek. Her pointer finger was an inch from his nose and her eyes were cold.

“Listen here, Time Lord. Rose can hold her own, so this isn’t coming from her. She would never ask me to confront you, and she would die if she knew what I was doing. She told me what led up to this visit, about Sarah Jane and the spaceship. And Rose insisted she would let it go.”

Guilt that he’d been ignoring hit his chest with the weight of a mountain.

Jackie didn’t raise her voice, but it stung with more intensity than any smack she would ever give him. “However, _I_ will _not_ let it go. You need to know that my daughter is not a game. Mickey was not a game. You left them _and_ your TARDIS in the 51 st Century to save some French royalty. She may have been significant to the history of the world, but my daughter is my _universe._ And she _loves_ you, you…oh, I don’t even know what to call you, and—I know you do, too. I see how you look at one another. She bats her eyelashes and you would be ready to rip the stars out of the sky for her. So what you did? You have _no_ excuse for your actions. And you never even _apologized_ for it, never even opened up to her when she asked you what was wrong. Then you moved on with Rose like nothing ever happened. You acted like you had the right to be afraid of losing her in that parallel world.

“Let me tell you, mister,” she poked him hard in the chest, “if you hurt her again, if you so much as let a nail of hers get hung, I will slap you so hard you will fall out of time and be erased from all memory. You _promised_ me you would take care of her. You _promised_ me you would always bring her back. I _trusted_ you. You gave me your _word._ ”

She jerked down on his lapels so he was eye-to-eye with her.

“If you mess up again, Doctor, there won’t be a cheek on a new body for me to smack. Do you understand me?”

Wide-eyed, he nodded. He was speechless. Jackie Tyler had silenced the mouth that never stopped moving.

They were interrupted by the sound of a key in the door, and then a soft knock. Jackie silently reached behind her to unlock it.

As Rose Tyler stepped on board with her bag, Jackie Tyler’s icy glare never left the Doctor.

Rose’s eyes darted between her mother and the Doctor. “Everything alright?”

“Yes, love.” Jackie kissed her daughter’s cheek. “Don’t forget to call. I love you, sweetheart.”

Rose smiled at her mum. “I love you, too.” She returned the kiss on Jackie’s cheek.

“Thank you for staying with me. I know it was hard to leave all this,” she waved her hand to indicate the console room, “for a few days, but I loved catching up with you. I’m here if you ever need me.” She hugged Rose.

“Doctor,” and a nod was all she offered the man in the brown suit, jaw still agape.

Rose bit her lip to stifle a grin and placed two fingers under his jaw and lifted.

The Doctor blinked and turned to her. “Fancy a trip to the chippy, then?”

“Oh, Doctor, you know I couldn’t possibly resist such an offer.” She let out the laugh she had been holding in, and the Doctor blushed. He walked to the console and fiddled with the controls.

She gently grazed his arm. “I know the time away probably wasn’t easy for you, but I appreciated the time with my mum.”

He hummed in acknowledgement.

“And, I missed you, Doctor.”

He turned to her once more and grinned and swept her up in a spinning hug. “I missed you, Rose.”

“What ever did you do without me?”

“First order of business,” he set her down, “chippy—no, wait! Even better, Milliways! And then we can swap stories.”

She grinned. “You mean, the restaurant at the end of the universe in… _The Hitchhiker’s Guide_ —“

He was beyond thrilled (and a bit turned on, if he was honest with himself) whenever Rose played her nerd card. “Rose, I helped him write the book. Where do you think he came up with the idea? You think humans are the only ones in the universe that write fanfiction? I’ve spent enough time around you lot. It was time to write some of my own.”

The set in his jaw whenever she impressed him sent shivers down her spine. She crinkled her nose. “You are _so_ Ford Prefect.”

He winked. “Oh, yes! Rose Tyler, are you ready for the best chips of your life?”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angsty Doctor ahead.

Jackie’s admonition clung to his chest. His guilt-prone tendencies took over, and he hoped that in taking Rose to Milliways, which promised to be a fun adventure, reminiscent of when they watched the end of the world, it would be a start to making up for his recent mistakes.

It wasn’t that he never apologized for mistakes in the past. Missing a whole year of Earth time, sure. Getting them stuck in prison for eating the King’s feast in the wrong order on Alvatrox, no problem. Those were unintentional mistakes, and certainly not directed at Rose.

But his actions this time weren’t unintentional. He had deliberately pushed her away. In the aftermath, he was desperately avoiding any acceptance that his actions caused her any hurt.

 _“If you hurt her again,”_ Jackie’s words echoed in his mind.

Destroying his own people was one kind of pain. The knowledge that he inflicted hurt upon the one person in the universe that mattered to him most was a completely different, yet equal, pain.

He was supposed to protect her. He told her he never planned to leave her, and yet he had. _Twice!_ In one adventure! He left her at the mercy of the clockwork droids, and then he left her with no feasible way to return to her.

How could he have been so stupid? How would he ever fix this?

When would Rose put her foot down and announce that she wanted to leave? He certainly deserved it after the fool he’d been. His mind flashed back:

* * *

He’d been delighted when Rose wanted to invite Sarah Jane on board. Maybe her misgivings had been resolved once she’d become more familiar with his former companion. He was relieved, and even proud of her.

Then he overheard Sarah Jane and Rose’s farewell, blast his sensitive Time Lord ears.

“What do I do? Do I stay with him?” Rose asked.

“Yes. Some things are worth getting your heart broken for. Find me, if you need to one day. Find me.”

His hearts sank. Her misgivings hadn’t been relieved after all. Had she invited Sarah Jane on board as a buffer? Did she still believe he would leave her? Did she want to leave him now? He brushed aside these thoughts to say goodbye to Sarah Jane.

Once Rose and Mickey were asleep in their separate quarters, he hid himself in the Library. He attempted to distract himself with another reading of all three volumes of _The_ _Lord of the Rings._ Tolkein modeled Tom Bombadil after the Doctor (and his ego needed a boost). But even the distraction of a literary epic wasn’t enough to shut his mind up, and his thoughts descended into dark places.

_Her misgivings were my fault. I haven’t been open with her. I mucked this up._

_And she will leave me, one way or another, eventually._

_Maybe she will finally see through my “I’m so impressive” veneer and see what a pitiful, lonely man I am._

_She deserves better than me._

_Maybe it would be better if she left sooner so I won’t have to deal with the pain later._

It was a long night in the Library.

The next morning, the Doctor sent them off for wherever and whenever. He didn’t care about the destination. He simply needed a good distraction from his miserable thoughts.

Rose put on a good face. She wanted to gauge if she and the Doctor were alright, so she took the lead in verbally assessing the situation. “Looks kind of abandoned. Anyone on board?”

The Doctor sensed her probing and rambled. “Nah, nothing here. Well, nothing dangerous. Well, not that dangerous. You know what, I’ll just have a quick scan,” and then he mumbled, “in case—anything dangerous.” He never looked at her.

She knew something was wrong. He was rubbish at hiding things from her.

So, she tried a different approach. She smiled and used an inquisitive, flirty tone, the one that would normally have kicked off a round of playful banter, and strode towards him. “So, what’s the date? How far have we gone?”

_Rose, please don’t._

His tone feigned interest. “About 3,000 years into your future, give or take?”

Rose noticed his fake tone and that he still wasn’t looking at her. The bait hadn’t worked. Oh, something was definitely wrong.

He rambled off more facts, and he still refused to look at her. She circled around the ship’s console to meet him. She was determined to figure out what was wrong.

She never had the chance.

All had gone south when he noticed the warp engines were going at full capacity and he picked up the scent of a mystery.

He inwardly sighed in relief at finding someone in need of being rescued. Rose would understand his distraction then, and hopefully she would chalk it up to the mission and not press the matter further.

And then his _stupid_ fascination with Reinette.

_How unimportant that must have made Rose feel._

What was he planning to do after he brought her on board the TARDIS? Was he merely bringing her on board as a buffer from Rose? A distraction? Maybe then Rose would want to go home.

Wait five and a half hours, every time? She shouldn’t have been waiting in the first place.

“You alright?” she asked.

Oh, Rose, his _sweet_ Rose. He had just brushed her aside, and she was still worried about _him_.

He’d been too swallowed up in his own sadness about losing somebody else to really notice her features at the time, but he saw it now.

She was helpless, her eyes pleading with him. She had been so accommodating, had tried _everything_ to reach him, exhausted every method she knew how.

 _Stupid,_ stupid _Doctor._

Once they landed in the parallel universe, Reinette’s letter was forgotten.

Rose had the chance to meet her father, maybe a chance to be with Jackie and Pete together. She could have a family again. Surely, surely then she would leave him. He deserved it.

But then he surprised himself. He couldn’t _let_ her go. He tried to keep her from Pete. His hearts pounded when she walked away from him to go find her not-father. Running after Mickey wasn’t even an option.

 _Blimey_ , even losing Mickey was his fault in the end. If he hadn’t been so harsh on him, if he’d have treated him better…

* * *

Footsteps in the hallway. Rose was coming.

He buried his thoughts and feigned a smile. “Ready?”

She grinned at him, which gave him some ease.

“Milliways it is.”

Once they were seated at their table, the waiter brought their menus. They enjoyed musing at the different food choices available, and Rose was overjoyed to learn that they did, indeed, have multiple volumes of wine listings. In the end, they selected the chips, and Rose was impressed with the Doctor’s recommended pairing of the chips with champagne. The champagne loosened them both up ( _Thank Rassilon,_ he thought), as this extraterrestrial champagne was a bit stronger than the usual Earth beverage. They laughed and reminisced about their time on Platform One as they watched the universe implode upon itself and then enjoyed a slice of the finest tiramisu from the sweet trolley.

The Doctor didn’t expound much upon his time away from Rose, not wishing to dwell on losing the young child’s mother. He was happy to relay the basic idea of his time in India defeating the Jakra Worms, told her about meeting Kam and Priya, and his stop on Calibris. Space Tour Guide™ that he was, he would much rather regale Rose with ridiculous facts about the various places from where the other patrons were arriving and watch her marvel over the fact that they actually served talking food. She laughed, of course, and that was just as well for him. He’d much rather listen to Rose laugh than babble on about his guilt at losing another life or broach the subject of his recent failures.

He knew his mistakes needed to be addressed. He just wasn’t sure how or when was the appropriate time.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More aaaaaaaaangst. Angsty Doctor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I researched this as best as I could, and I found that there so much complexity in Hinduism and Indian culture that I know I'm probably messing up something. Please forgive me if so.

He felt a little better when she linked her arm in his as they returned to the TARDIS.

“Where to next, Miss Tyler?”

“I know we just ate, but I’m intrigued with your trip to Calcutta. Could we go there? I’d like to meet Kam and his family. The food sounds out of this world.” She yawned and stretched. “Well, tomorrow, I guess. I’m knackered.”

He smiled. He always found her yawn to be so endearing. “Off to bed with you, then. I’ll see you in the morning.”

She patted his arm and strolled out of the console room.

Come to think of it, he felt knackered himself. His chest still felt heavy. He ambled off to his own room and flopped onto the bed. He tossed and turned for some time, but his mind finally gave out after running on the hamster wheel of trying to figure out what to do next.

Then he dreamed. It was the same dream he’d have every now and again, when he chanced to rest.

* * *

_The familiar wheezing of his time ship_

_Impossibly, there she stands_

_Both of the doors of the TARDIS fly open_

_There She is, bathed in golden light_

_Her silhouette is haunting_

_Tendrils of time flow around her form and carry her into the room_

_“What have you done”_

_She speaks like a goddess_

_“I looked into the TARDIS, and the TARDIS looked into me”_

_No, she will die_

_“You looked into the Time Vortex Rose no one’s meant to see that”_

_“EXTERMINATE”_

_Horror_

_Then surprise—she raises her hand and stops the beam_

_Her words like a song:_

_“I am the Bad Wolf, I create myself, I take the words, I scatter them in time and space, A message to lead myself here”_

_“Rose, you’ve got to stop this you’ve got to stop this now”_

_“You’ve got the entire vortex running through your brain you’re gonna burn”_

_“I want you safe, My Doctor, Protected from the false god”_

_“YOU CANNOT HURT ME, I AM IMMORTAL”_

_Fury flashes in her eyes_

_She shouts_

_“YOU ARE TINY”_

_“I can see the whole of time and space, every atom of your existence, and I divide them, everything must come to dust”_

_“All things, everything dies, the Time War ends”_

_“Rose, you’ve done it, now stop, just let go”_

_“How can I let go of this, I bring life”_

_Her eyes burn_

_Time shifts around Jack_

_“But this is wrong, you can’t control life and death”_

_“But I can”_

_She is wild, she cannot be contained_

_“The sun and the moon, the day and night”_

_Pain in her eyes_

_“But why do they hurt”_

_Guilt_

_“The power’s going to kill you and it’s my fault”_

_I will not lose her_

_“I can see everything, all that is, all that was, all that ever could be”_

_I love her_

_“That’s what I see, all the time, and doesn’t it drive you mad”_

_“My head”_

_“Come here”_

_“It’s killin me”_

_“I think you need a Doctor”_

_I’m so clever_

_I kiss her_

_I absorb the Time Vortex_

_I burn_

_Hers is the first face I see with new eyes_

* * *

His eyes fluttered open.

_I love her_

It echoed in his mind.

He laced his fingers over his eyes and breathed deeply.

It was the one constant he knew for sure in a universe of variables.

_I love her_

“I… _know_ that, but what do I _do_ about it now? I’m so… _rubbish_ at this.”

Terrified of losing her, he had been ready to let her go.

In the face of actually, maybe losing her, he realized he wasn’t ready to let her go at all.

He was emotionally paralyzed.

Did Rose even still _want_ to stay with him? Was she staying with him now out of obligation?

He didn’t deserve her. He would certainly understand if she didn’t want to stay.

He moved to sit on the edge of his bed, hunched over with his head in his hands.

He heard footsteps outside of his door moving towards the console room. Rose was up and ready for the day.

He ruffled his hands through his hair a few times, giving himself the physical stimulation he needed to move. He walked to his door, pausing for a moment to ruffle his hair back into place in the mirror, and then exited.

Rose turned when she heard him enter the console room. “Beat you here this morning.” She leaned on the console.

“Seems you did, Rose Tyler. Off to India, then?”

She smiled. “Lead the way, Doctor.”

He gave her a half-smile in return as he set the coordinates.

_She shouldn’t trust me so._

He sat on the jump seat, feet propped on the side of the console. Rose eventually joined him.

“You’re awfully quiet,” she offered.

He hummed and kept his eyes on the rising and falling of the central column.

“Your eyes…they look tired.”

His eyes met hers. “Just…yeah, tired, I guess.” Tired, or complicated…humans seemed to use those two excuses when they didn’t want to be pressed further.

“Doctor, if you’d like to stay in today, that’s fine. We don’t—“

To the relief of the Doctor, the _thud_ that signaled their landing cut her off.

He bounded off the seat towards the door. “Looks like we’re already here. C’mon, Rose.” He opened the doors and she followed him out.

“Calcutta, 1941, and Kam’s restaurant is just around the corner.” They started down the alley.

A doorway opened next to them, and a man’s head peeked around it.

“I knew I recognized that sound!” He stepped out to greet them. “Doctor! You have returned. I am so pleased to see you again.”

“Oh, Kamalnyan! Pleasure’s all mine.” The men bowed to one another. “This is Rose Tyler.”

Rose followed the Doctor’s example as the two exchanged bows.

Kam warmly offered, “Pleased to meet you, Rose,” and then addressed the both of them, “Please, come inside.”

They followed Kam through the side door of the restaurant.

After they’d feasted on several dishes, Kam said, “Doctor, it is my honor to serve you again. Will you be staying for the festivities tonight?”

“Festivities?” Rose asked.

“Yes, we are in the midst of Navratri. It is the festival celebrating the goddess Durga. For nine nights we dance and honor her in the square outside of my restaurant. It is a time of goodwill for all.”

“That sounds wonderful. Doctor, can we stay?”

He nodded, and she smiled.

“A whole festival for a goddess. I like the sound of that. Could you tell me more about Durga?” Rose asked.

“Durga is our mother goddess. Her name means ‘invincible’. She is powerful, and she was able to destroy the demon Mahishasura and his army when the gods bestowed their power upon her, and she also saves us from our own demons. It is said that through Durga, Shiva was able to create the universe. She is his creative expression. Without her, the world would not be.”

The Doctor heard echoes of, _“I create myself._ ”

All at once, Kam's description of Durga hit the Doctor square in the chest and his hearts stopped. He stared at Rose. He saw her enveloped again in golden light, eyes burning brighter than a supernova. He saw her defeat the Daleks again. He saw her bring Jack back to life.

He remembered how he felt when he first met her, how he didn’t care if he lived on after the Time War. He remembered how she gave him hope again, how she helped him heal after meeting the Dalek in van Stattan’s museum.

Without her, his world certainly didn’t exist.

As Kam spoke, Rose glanced between the two men. She noticed the Doctor's gaze. She returned it with brows knit, silently questioning him.

Kam noticed the shared looks between the two. “And Durga took on human form in Parvati, the wife of the god Shiva.”

At this, Rose broke her probing gaze with the Doctor with wide eyes at Kam. The Doctor never stopped staring at Rose.

"Is that so, Kam? Tell me more," Rose prompted.

“Oh, he is both benevolent and terrifying, capable of great anger. He is the creator and the destroyer of worlds. All the other gods worship him.” Kam nodded towards the Doctor. “One of the forms of Shiva is Kala. He is regarded as the Supreme Lord of Time.”

Both the Doctor and Rose blushed slightly and averted their gazes to various points of décor in the room.

Kam sensed an awkwardness between his two guests. “I…think I will go fetch more rice and naan.” He, of course, did not intend to return at all while it appeared they needed to address a matter between them.

The Doctor never minded their playful flirting, welcomed it even. But the outright comparison of a god and goddess as husband and wife at which Kam blatantly hinted? Too close for comfort with all of his recent emotional fumblings and reasons for retreating. He felt his typical emotional withdrawal coming on.

"Well?" Rose offered.

"Well, what?" he asked.

“Did you notice anything...familiar about Kam's description of the gods? Durga sounded an awful lot like—“ she stopped.

“Like what, Rose?”

He winced at his tone. It was almost the same tone he directed at her when she initially confronted him outside the chippy.

He saw her hesitation. And it hurt him that he created that hesitation within her. A full shutdown was in order.

“Like when I absorbed the Time Vortex. When I destroyed the Daleks.”

“Rose,” his eyes were suddenly intense, “how do you know about that? You’re not meant to remember any of that.”

“I get glimpses of it sometimes when I dream. Last night, I had another dream about it. Every time the details become clearer. I know enough to know that it sounded almost like what Kam described. And Shiva—well, he sounded an awful lot like you.”

He glanced away. “I suppose that moment with you as the Bad Wolf may have rippled through time and a human with heightened telepathic capabilities could have picked it up. India, after all, sits on a series of rifts. Look at the spirituality of the people. And you remember how Gwyneth had heightened abilities in Cardiff.” Then he looked at the ground. "And goodness knows I've been around the universe long enough to be seen as a terrifying destroyer. My enemies call me the Oncoming Storm, after all. I've done enough damage here and there. No matter, then. Possibly images picked up through the rift, interpreted and turned into legends passed down through time.” He waved his hands nonchalantly. “I've seen enough religions and gods and demigods and would-be gods to know that they're all one and the same. And me? A god?” He scoffed. “I'd make a very bad god.”

“Doctor, what’s gotten into you?” Her tone was slightly sharp. She’d seen right through his babbling. She wasn’t taking any bollocks from him.

He looked at her suddenly, but said nothing.

“You haven’t been yourself, not for a while now.”

He looked at the ground again.

She continued, softer. “S’like you’re closed off for some reason. I’m worried about you. Whatever it is, you can talk to me, yeah?”

She moved to touch his arm in reassurance, but he flinched.

Rose’s hand stilled, and her mouth hung open. Her eyes shifted. She slumped a little and started rubbing her other arm.

At that moment, Alisha ran up to Rose and tugged at her hands. “Come outside with me and Mummy! The elephants are coming!” Rose’s face lightened a little.

Priya gently corrected, “Alisha, how have I taught you to ask politely?” She smiled at Rose. “She was so excited to invite our guest. Pardon her.”

Rose grinned. “Of course!”

“Alisha, ask again.”

Alisha cleared her throat. “Miss Rose, would you like to join me and Mummy to watch the elephants?”

Rose put on her best posh air. “I’d love to, Miss Alisha. Lead the way.”

Alisha and Rose giggled, and Rose eagerly took the girl’s hand.

Rose left without saying a word to the Doctor. Just as well, he thought, with the display he put on. He deserved it.

Once the ladies were gone, the Doctor excused himself to the TARDIS.

He slumped on the jump seat.

What had he just done? What had he just done to Rose?

 _Rassilon_ , how was he going to make any of this right with her? Would she even want him to?

He couldn’t keep going on like this. He couldn’t keep shutting her out.

He didn’t want to shut her out anymore.

All at once, he _missed_ her. He missed their friendship. He missed her laughter. He missed her hand in his.

They were at a tipping point. Something—some _one_ —needed to give. And it wasn’t Rose.

And what’s more, how was she remembering the Bad Wolf? And why would she dream about it the same night as him? Would that cause her any harm?

He needed to face his fears. He needed to cross the distance he’d created with Rose. He needed to apologize for everything.

He didn’t know if he could fix it all, or even if Rose would want him anymore, but damn him if he didn’t try.

With a few ideas in mind, he grabbed his brown coat off the coral strut and headed out the door to find Kam. Together they would set a wheel or two in motion for the festival that evening.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ok, Doctor, I've had enough of angsty you. Let's check in on Rose.

“So, Rose,” Priya asked as she poured Rose’s tea, “how long have you been travelling with the Doctor?”

“For a while. I don’t know the exact time. Sort of becomes…irrelevant when you travel with him.”

“I don’t mean to pry, but are you and the Doctor…together?” Priya asked.

Rose blushed. “I’m not sure. I asked him once, said maybe I was wrong.” Her eyes followed the rising steam from her tea. “He never really said anything either way. And then he sort of pushed me away. I’m not sure how much longer he’ll keep me around.”

“When he visited us the first time, he mentioned your name. He said you were brilliant. He had this look in his eyes, what would you call it—wonder?”

Rose looked at Priya.

“I think he values you more than you know.”

She raised an eyebrow and returned her gaze to her tea. “Well, he has a funny way of showing it sometimes.”

“Maybe he doesn’t know how to show it. When Kam and I married, I knew he was a good man, and I thought he was quite attractive. We were both a bit bashful at first, as happens sometimes in arranged marriages. The extra proximity to another person can be intimidating. You can be simultaneously excited and terrified. Not to mention, I was apprehensive about leaving my family to join another. It took time and getting to know each other before we really felt comfortable sharing anything. Even though we didn’t know each other beforehand, we knew it would take time and work. We only needed to be as steadfast as the stars.

“Your circumstance may not be the same, but I recognize love in someone’s eyes when I see it.”

Rose lightly scoffed. She knew what the end of that sentence was supposed to be.

_“Imagine watching that happen to someone you—“_

_Why_ couldn’t he finish that sentence? And if he felt that way, what caused the events on the spaceship the next day?

She thought of his speech.

 _“I don’t age. I regenerate. But humans decay. You wither and you die. Imagine watching that happen to someone you—“_ His voice caught. _“You can spend the rest of your life with me. But I can’t spend the rest of my life with you. I have to live on. Alone. That’s the curse of the Time Lords.”_

So, she figured, he was terrified of being alone.

She hadn’t caught it before in the midst of processing her rightfully hurt feelings after learning that she wasn’t his only companion. Why hadn’t he opened up to her about it? Didn’t he trust her? She hadn’t caught it in her own confusion that maybe she hadn’t been his only possibly romantically attached companion, in her own worry that maybe she had been misinterpreting his affections all along. She had a right to process her own feelings.

She had hoped that by inviting Sarah Jane on board that she would have an experienced sounding board, and she knew the Doctor would have appreciated spending time with her again, being that Rose was over her…jealousy _?_

She didn’t regret confronting him that night. She never regretted pushing him where he needed to be pushed. But now she was able to look past all of her internal struggle.

Rose Tyler didn’t need to reverse engineer his telepathic touch to enter his mind to understand him. She had always understood him. She understood, at least in part, the pain in losing his world as she watched the destruction of her own. Perhaps that’s why he had shown it to her in the first place. He needed someone to understand.

He told her how lonely he was when he stood next to her in that busy London street.

* * *

“My planet’s gone. Dead. It burned like the Earth. It’s just rocks and dust. Before its time.”

“What happened?”

“There was a war and we lost.”

“A war with who?”

He didn’t answer.

“What about your people?”

“I’m a Time Lord. I’m the last of the Time Lords. They’re all gone. I’m the only survivor. I’m left travelling on my own ‘cos there’s no one else.”

 _Survivor’s guilt_ , she thought. _Written all over him._

“There’s me,” she hopefully offered.

 _Why would Rose want to travel with a daft old alien like me? Brilliant girl like her could go anywhere, do anything, with the determination I’ve seen in her. She doesn’t need to put her life in jeopardy for me when she’s got so much life ahead of her_ , he thought. “You’ve seen how dangerous it is. Do you want to go home?”

 _Dangerous, but he needs somebody with him, and…I can’t go back to the shop, not after seeing all this._ “I don’t know. I want…oh, can you smell chips?”

* * *

 _Our first date._ Fondness peaked through in her heart, like the sun after rain.

And outside that chippy, there he was again, opening up and baring his lonely soul. She, in the moment, hadn’t considered the whole of his life. How all he wanted to do was show somebody a good time around the universe. How he had become attached to Sarah Jane, and who knows how many others. How they all left him. They either died, or chose to leave him, or he had to leave them behind out of necessity. How many times had that happened to him?

She heard the pain in his voice now.

She thought about that day on the fated 51st Century spaceship. She sensed the Doctor wasn’t himself that morning.

In truth, she had gotten over her feeling of obligation in bringing Mickey on board. She was genuinely excited to share at least one adventure with her one-time best friend. Maybe Mickey would finally understand why she couldn’t stop travelling with the Doctor. Maybe he would also grab hold of the larger-than-life view of the universe she gained because of her travels. The world didn’t end at the Powell Estate. It didn’t have to, not if one didn’t want it to.

And it was that pride and gratitude that helped her mood that morning.

She wasn’t going to pry him about his apparent broodiness, as he was wont to be broody at times, but all she wanted to do was put a smile on his face and check to see if they were going to be alright. When her normal inquisitive arsenal didn’t work, she opted for heavier artillery. Even pseudo-seductive wasn’t working. He was bolted shut, completely detached.

She thought about how easy it was for him to abandon her.

Did he _want_ to leave her behind?

No, he told her as much at the chippy. He wasn’t planning to leave her on the spaceship. Just a happy coincidence for him. So that wasn’t it.

And she knew he would never leave her stranded like that, even if he _was_ planning to leave her. He would have at least taken her back to London so she could get home. He probably would have let her think he was making a quick run and then never returned. Five and a half hours would pass and he wouldn’t show.

But…loneliness was his life. It was a state of being for him. He could just as easily find someone else and move on. He’d done that countless times. No, he wasn’t terrified of being alone.

Then it hit her. The pain in his eyes when he said, _“But I can’t spend the rest of mine with you.”_

He was terrified of losing _her_.

He _loved_ her. And _that_ terrified him.

He must have figured that if he detached himself from her, and then left her, he wouldn’t have to deal with the pain of losing her later.

And now he was dealing with his guilt about his recent actions, which explained his distance earlier that day.

And then she was angry with him. Deciding that he needed to let her go. Making choices for her again.

_Stupid, daft git! Stupid, bloody, selfish, guilt-ridden— —brilliant, gorgeous alien that I—_

Tears flowed and she buried her face in her hands.

“Rose,” Priya put a hand on her shoulder.

“You’re right.” She sniffed. And then she laughed. “He’s so stupid! He doesn’t know what to do with himself.”

“I think I might know how I can help.” Priya smiled.

* * *

 Rose looked at herself in a mirror. Priya had lent her a chaniya choli. She was dressed in a pink silk top with a sweetheart cut. It was short enough to reveal her very fit abdomen (a benefit of all the running). She smoothed her hands over her long, flowing yellow skirt with blue and pink embroidery on the bottom. She wrapped herself in a royal blue muslin shawl with a pink and gold border. She selected a jeweled hairpiece that rested on her forehead.

She knew he loved her for more than her physical appearance, but this would at least get his attention. She needed that first before she could reassure him and at least try to broach the subject of recent events.

* * *

Shortly after Rose finished dressing, Priya knocked. “The men have returned.” She smiled at Rose from around the door. “Good luck.”

“Thanks.” Rose smoothed her hands over her skirt one last time and then worried her thumbs in her fingers. She was nervous.

Priya walked to Rose and placed a hand on her shoulder. “It will all work out fine. It seems to me the pair of you are written in the stars.”

Rose smiled at this. “Yeah…we’ll be ok.” Rose turned to embrace her. “Thank you.” When they parted, Rose had to wipe a tear, and the women gently laughed.

When they entered the dining area of the restaurant, which was in the lower level of their family’s building, they found the two men waiting.

Rose immediately wanted to lock eyes with the Doctor, but found his eyes were not on hers.

_Is he—? Yeah, he is totally checking me out._

She blushed and then smirked.

His Adam’s apple gave its signature bob.

She had him.

 _Blimey, right where she wants me,_ thought the Doctor. Maybe this wouldn’t be as hard as he thought after all. It was the small boost of confidence he needed for the evening.

He cleared his throat and turned towards the door. “Right, then, off to the festival.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That moment when rays of sunshine peek through storm clouds.

When they stepped outside, they were hit with a wall of sound. Drums pounded and an orchestra of strings filled the air with music. A large crowd danced in a garba line around the square.

Priya offered, “You are both welcome to dance with all of us if it would please you.”

“Come on, let's go dance with them! Unless you forgot your moves when you regenerated?” she teased with that tantalizing tongue peaking from behind her teeth.

“You go ahead, Rose.” He gave her a half smile.

“Suit yourself, then, Doctor.” She followed Priya and the ladies joined the garba line with laughter.

He leaned on the wall of the restaurant.

The Doctor locked his eyes on Rose in the garba line. She was a natural dancer, easily losing herself in the music as she picked up the moves. The dance wasn't sensual, but he found his jaw clenched and his stomach tightened as he watched her hands gracefully flow through the air and her hips pop to the beat. He watched her bare feet carry her across the ground, her skirt splay around her as she spun, and her smile as she reveled in the presence of the other women around her.

All his worry from earlier seemed to grow smaller.

Her absence that afternoon wasn't vindictive manipulation, a move to pry his affection from him out of guilt. Rose was stronger than that, and he loved her all the more for it.

He also knew that she wouldn't take any bollocks from anybody, including him. She knew he was avoiding her again with his silence. She had gently opened the door for him, and he shuffled his feet like a little boy who didn't know if he deserved to come inside. He let his guilt over his past take the forefront of that conversation, but only merely as a shield. He'd made their conversation about himself.

What's more, after not ever dealing with it in the first place, he'd brushed off her moment as the Bad Wolf with a mere scientific explanation as if his feelings and resulting actions could have been rationalized away. They hadn't dealt with that moment together, but it was what had caused his regeneration, her absorbing the heart of the TARDIS and his kiss to save her life. His love for her in that moment was written into this body's DNA.

In truth, he would have loved to dance next to her in the line. What a memory it would have created for them, and he missed the opportunity.

But he held back. Always holding back when it mattered, he was. And he let it gnaw at him for a moment, ground his teeth a bit, cataloging a feeling he never wanted to have again.

His mind returned to the plan he had formulated earlier. A bit of a risky move for him, considering his actions that afternoon, but Rose Tyler was worth it. The fear of eventually losing her wasn’t worth running through life without her now.

Rose glanced at the restaurant, hoping to make eye contact with the Doctor, but he wasn't there. She returned her attention to dancing.

When the song finished a few moments later, a hand grabbed hers and pulled her from the line of dancers. She startled for a second and then met the intent eyes of the Doctor, and her breath intake was sharp. She hadn’t seen those eyes for some time.

“Come with me,” he said, and led her by hand back to the TARDIS in the nearby alley.

“First things first, Rose,” he finally spoke when they were standing outside the TARDIS doors, taking both of her hands in his. “You mentioned earlier that you’d been having dreams about the Game Station and the Bad Wolf. You’re not supposed to remember any of that. You absorbed the Time Vortex in the heart of the TARDIS. Rose, you’re human, and it would have killed you—“

“If you hadn’t saved me,” Rose offered.

“Yes,” he said softly, and Rose saw him retreat into his thoughts for only a second, reliving the memory, “but I’m worried about you. I need to see if these leaking memories are causing you any harm, because if it is, that will be my first priority over anything else. Mind if I run a few quick scans?”

She raised her eyebrows in reply. “Erm, sure, I guess.”

“Brilliant,” he grinned and dropped her hands to remove the sonic screwdriver from his jacket pocket. With a waggle of his brows, he tossed it in the air and caught it, then swung it around in one deft move of his fingers, all without looking, at which Rose giggled. He hummed in amusement, and then activated the scan. He swung the sonic back and forth over her eyes a few times, and then checked the readings.

“Oh…oh, Rose, this is…” His eyes were wide and he was clearly at a loss for words.

“Doctor, is it bad?” she asked with a bit of concern.

“Rose, no. This is…good. This is more than good. It’s brilliant. Oh, you brilliant, beautiful ship, you!” He hugged the TARDIS, and then kissed her blue exterior.

“Doctor, what is it?”

“Rose, you remember that the ship and I, we have a telepathic link? We’re bonded, she and I.” He gently traced a finger over one of the square insets in the door, and then he turned to Rose with warmth in his eyes and his smile.

“Yeah.”

“Lately, I’ve been noticing more of a…well, connection between the two of you. I thought it must be because she simply likes you more than me, and, well, really, she does.” He chuckled.

“What do you mean, Doctor?”

“Well, when we came back from the parallel universe, I knew you were mourning, but, Rose, the TARDIS was mourning with you. I could _feel_ it.” He gently stroked down her arms and retook her hands. “And then, after you called me to pick you up, well, you know how I drive the TARDIS, but she made it back to you _precisely_ right after we hung up. Nothing grandiose, though, all little things. But then you mentioned having the Bad Wolf dream last night. Rose, I dreamt about it last night, too. I think she’s been transmitting that dream to the both of us.”

“So, what does all of that mean for me?”

“Rose, when you absorbed the Vortex, the TARDIS—she altered your neural pathways to accommodate fitting herself into your human brain. I took the Vortex out of you, but the pathway remained for her to remain connected with you. It’s not a bond quite like the one I have with the TARDIS, but you have a link with her, too.”

Rose dropped one of his hands and turned to look at the blue box with a bit of wonder in her eyes. “I suppose this would explain why that werewolf said to me, ‘There is something of the wolf about you.’ He said I burned like the sun. I didn’t know what he meant then.”

“Rose, you’re so brilliant.” He smiled. “The connection isn’t that strong now, but I could help you with that, if you’d like. And then you could even learn to fly her.”

She met his eyes with a sparkle in hers. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

Oh, how he’d _missed_ this between them. All at once, longing for her filled his hearts. The bridge wasn’t completely rebuilt, but this was a start.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> FLUFFSPLOSION.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I mentioned the waltz, "Rosen aus dem Süden" by Johann Strauss. I would recommend finding that on YouTube, or if you're a nerd like me, in your iTunes when it starts playing in the fic so you can get a feel for that part. It's quite delightful.

The Doctor unlocked the door of the TARDIS. “I think she has something to say to you.” He motioned for her to enter.

Rose reverently approached the console ahead of the Doctor. She stroked its side and looked lovingly at the central column. The TARDIS gently embraced her in return, and Rose could hear a faint singing, similar to what she heard when she absorbed the Vortex. She loved the ship, which had become home to her, and the ship loved her. She closed her eyes as tears welled up.

The Doctor stood at the door and watched Rose's gentle strokes of the console with reverence of his own. Rose in this dress was trouble enough, he thought, but Rose in this dress stroking bits of the TARDIS was the most attractive thing he'd ever seen. And then he could wait no longer.

Rose was startled by a garland of orange marigolds falling around her neck.

She turned to see the Doctor standing directly behind her. Her hands gripped the edge of the console.

“What's this?” She raised an eyebrow.

He tugged on his ear and glanced around the room. “Kam said you're supposed to garland your goddess during Navratri. You're not an idol, even though I did craft you into that very fine statue of the goddess Fortuna, if I do say so myself. I couldn’t have done this outside during the festivities, as I didn't want them to think I was disrespecting their culture. We've landed in enough prisons from situations like that. And their culture doesn’t really allow for public displays of affec—“

He was interrupted by Rose's lips on his and her hands raking through his hair, and after the brief shock wore off, he took full advantage of her bare midriff and wrapped his arms around her, hands resting in the small of her back, his fingers tingling with the skin-on-skin contact. It was urgent, desperate, cathartic.

When they were both breathless, they reluctantly eased their lips apart, but they clung to each other still. Her hands clasped at the nape of his neck.

"Rose Tyler," he said, chest slightly heaving, with a smile in his eyes, "we are the stuff of legends."

Rose bit her lip and grinned up at him, and they broke into full-on laughter. The Doctor doubled over, and he slid one of his hands north to compensate and repositioned her into a slight dip, which afforded her the opportunity to wrap her arms around his neck. She closed her eyes and threw her head back in her own laughter, and after a few seconds he calmed enough to notice the sight of her before him, and he stopped altogether.

Rose calmed enough to notice he was no longer laughing. She saw the awe in his eyes and she stopped breathing.

It was the same look he gave her when she was the Bad Wolf, when he knelt before her, and just before he kissed her to remove the Time Vortex from her, the same look he gave her when she wore that stunning evening gown to visit Charles Dickens. It was the same look he wore when she delighted in the sights and smells of a new planet. He thought she didn't notice, but he always did that when he thought she wouldn't notice. He may have spent the last few hundred years around humans, but he was still so dense sometimes when it came to love. It was his directness that surprised her.

He was lost in this moment. Lost in the feel of her arms around his neck, the feel of her body pressed against his in this embrace, the scent of her skin mixed with the scent of the marigolds so divine, her whiskey eyes locked into his, the thought of her graceful dancing earlier that night, her trust in him to take her safely around the universe, her courage and strength and compassion—

 _Billy Joel!_ he thought suddenly, and then his brain was running on all cylinders. _Billy Joel—why am I thinking about—something he said—Piano Man! No—If that's moving up then I'm—No—something—oh! Innocent Man! Leave a tender mo—oh!—ment alone—OH!…I get it now..._

Why, indeed, was he thinking of Billy Joel in this particular moment?

In 1983, while Billy Joel was writing and recording _Innocent Man_ , he was plucked from the studio and transmatted to the Cosmos Redshift 7 galaxy to play the halftime show for their Gladiator Cup CLXIV. Being that it was a bloody, violent affair for a bloody, violent people, he was given the choice to play or face beheading.

Luckily, the Doctor and Rose were able to swoop in just in time to save him and they returned him to the studio before supper.

“Doctor, as a thank you, I'm going to write a few songs for you on this next record.” Billy rested a hand on the Doctor’s shoulder after Rose entered the TARDIS. “If you really listen, you'll be able to figure it out.”

The Doctor enjoyed blasting the album occasionally while tinkering with the console. He always belted the notes when Billy sang, " _ah-IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII'm an innocent maaaaan_!" But he'd never connected the songs to his relationship with Rose. As with so many people with whom the Doctor and Rose interacted, Billy had seen something between them before they were able to admit it to themselves.

And now, he would finally allow himself this moment of reverie. He would allow Rose to see how he felt. No, he would, as the man had said, tell her about it, he would let her know how much he needs her, let her know how much she—

“Doctor, say something...please," Rose said softly and snapped the Doctor from his thoughts. “That wasn’t—this isn’t...normal for us...but, here we are, and you're still holding me like this."

Indeed he was. He understood that Rose was expecting him to let go when he discovered that fact, and she was allowing herself another moment of courageous vulnerability. And he loved her for it.

He saw a hint of a tear form in her eye and he cleared his throat.

“And I think you ought to know that I intend to hold you for the longest time.” He said with all of his mustered confidence. She quirked her eyebrow again. And then, soft and breathy, like a prayer, he declared, “You...you are beautiful.” And he held her tighter.

“For a human?” she softly smiled.

“No. You, Rose Tyler, are the most beautiful being in the universe. And it's not just this dress you're wearing. _You_ ,” he emphasized, "are beautiful."

He saw the tear in her eye grow larger. Her arms tightened around his neck.

“And I don't say that enough. Rose, you mean so much to me, and I do a poor job of letting you know. And I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.”

She sobbed a little and buried her face in his chest.

“And, I know I made you feel unimportant with…with…” He couldn’t say Reinette’s name, out of shame. He returned her tears with his own and Rose cupped his jaw. She gingerly wiped a tear from his cheek with her thumb. She understood him.

“I can't promise I'll get it right all the time, but I can promise to do better. I'm so used to running, Rose. Running from everything, and that includes you at times. Everyone leaves. Everyone dies or everyone leaves. And I'm terrified of when I'll lose you. I've left people behind. I promised I wouldn't leave you behind. And I did on that spaceship. And I’m sorry. I can never apologize for that enough. Rose, that was so… _stupid_ of me.”

“Yeah, well, let me tell you about that. Letting your fear get to you, thinking it’d be easier to just leave me behind. Making decisions for me, like you did on the Game Station, sending me back home. Too bad, Doctor.” She poked him in the chest. “’Cos you're not getting rid of me. I’ve made my decision, and I’m not leaving you. You’re stuck with me.”

He grabbed her hand and held it to his hearts.

“I’m serious, Doctor. Forever. As long as I can.”

“Rose, please help me to never forget that. I'm terrible at this. Time Lords were never good at matters of the heart, or hearts, as it were. But you, Rose Tyler,” he savored her name, always enjoying the way it rolled off his tongue, “are changing me. You’re making me better.” He paused, questioned if he should voice his next thought, and then grinned, “You’ve got a way about you, Rose. I don’t know what it is, but I know that I can’t live without you.” Truly, the Piano Man would be proud of the Doctor. He was quite chuffed enough with himself.

Rose giggled and rolled her eyes at her big nerd. She enveloped his neck and kissed him again, this time more slowly and sweetly, allowing them to savor the moment. She smiled against his lips and asked, “That a good start?”

The Doctor replied, “I could do with that forever.”

Rose rested her head on his chest and they stood there for a moment, feeling the other breathe.

“Rose…” he spoke softly, and then released her to retrieve his sonic from his pocket. “Rose, dance with me.” A waltz began playing in the console room. He held out his hands for her.

“O-okay,” she wore an amused grin and slowly stepped into his arms.

He wrapped one arm around her waist and held her hand to the side in proper waltz position.

“Rose,” he began swaying slowly with her during the free introduction, “this is ‘Rosen aus dem Süden,’” happy to show off his German, “‘Roses from the South,’ by Strauss, the Waltz King. Appropriate, don’t you think?”

She giggled. “I guess so, Doctor.”

He began to waltz with her as the triple beat took over, and then, to her surprise, the music suddenly hit forte and he spun her around quickly.

She laughed and gripped his arms and he gripped her waist to keep her from falling.

“I brushed up on my waltzing this afternoon just for this occasion. Just follow my lead, Rose. You won’t find a better waltzer this side of the galaxy.”

“Really? Did you pop back to Vienna to learn from a waltz master?” She winked at him.

He stopped dancing. “Rose Tyler, you wound me.”

She knew he was being overdramatic, as he was wont to be. She patted his chest. “Just saying. Remember when you left me as a statue so you could go gallivanting around the Renaissance era with Michelangelo?”

“That I did. But no, I didn’t leave India today. The TARDIS created a dance studio and a holographic instructor.”

“Oh, fancy!” she answered poshly.

They resumed their movement. He took the lead, and she followed well. In the slower sections, they simply swayed and he rattled off facts about Strauss and the Roses waltz and the extravagance of Vienna during the Romantic period and Rose was happy to indulge him and ask all sorts of questions. He mentioned that he’d like to take her to a performance of _Die Fledermaus_ because it wasn’t right that the only time he wore his tuxedo resulted in disaster (and secretly, Rose knew, he wanted another chance to see her in an evening gown and her hair done up). When the music picked up, he spun her round the console and sang the melody with abandon.

As the song ended, he positioned her in an overdramatic dip and then he leaned her upright.

She grinned. “Hello.”

“Hello. I’ve missed you, Rose Tyler.”

“I missed you, Doctor.”

He grinned and pulled on her hand towards the TARDIS doors. “Right. One more thing, Rose. Just about time!”

Right on cue, as they shut the door behind them, Rose heard a blast in the sky and looked up to see an explosion of brilliant colors.

“Fireworks!” She squeezed his hand and placed the other on his arm. They stood in the alley for a while and watched the show of amazing shapes and hues and sounds.

Once the display was finished, the musicians started playing again and the crowd resumed dancing.

Without hesitation, the Doctor grabbed her hand and they ran to join the line of dancers and they stayed all night.

Exhausted and finally back in the TARDIS, they flopped onto the jump seat. The Doctor plopped his feet up on the console with his arm around Rose’s shoulders and she snuggled into his side.

There they sat for a moment, as if nothing had ever changed and everything had changed.

“Where to next?”

“Erm…well, you played for me the King of the Waltz. I think I’d like to see the King of Rock and Roll. Elvis. I want to see an Elvis concert.”

“Elvis?”

“Doctor, can you take me to see Elvis?”

“Can I take you to see Elvis?” he squeaked. “Can I—Rose Tyler, I have a machine that can take you anywhere in all of time and space, and you’re asking me if I can take you to see Elvis?”

“Well, can you?”

“I think there’s only one appropriate response for your inquiry.”

“Yeah?” She bit her lip in anticipation.

He flexed his Otto’s muscle, curling his upper lip, and deepened his voice. “Uh huh.”

Rose laughed for the next ten minutes straight. Every time she looked at him again she burst into more fits laughter.

She could have laughed for all eternity, and eternity wouldn’t be long enough to enjoy her.

Yeah, they would be okay.


End file.
